Same Sex-Marriage: Loving Others and Living with Differences

I have struggled for the past few years with my feelings regarding same-sex marriage. As the world has become more liberal and more accepting of those who experience same-sex attraction I was often confused. I had been raised in the church and taught that same-sex attraction is something that people struggle with, however, the church does not support it and does not encourage it. When proposition 8 came about and the church asked members to help not pass the proposition I was confused. Here we are in a church in which we are taught to love others and we have been persecuted for our beliefs, yet we wouldn't allow others to practice their own beliefs. I knew little regarding proposition 8 and little regarding the church's actual position and actions towards those with same-sex attraction.

If you google Same Sex Attraction and LDS the first page that comes up is this webpage by the church. In this article is states:

The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.”⁶ On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated. Former Church president Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) told members who are attracted to the same sex: “Our hearts reach out to [you]. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters.” President Boyd K. Packer affirmed, “We do not reject you. … We cannot reject you. … We will not reject you, because we love you.”

The Church has advocated for rights for same-sex couples regarding “hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.”⁷ In Salt Lake City, for example, the Church supported ordinances aimed at protecting gay residents from discrimination in housing and employment. 

The church does not want to infringe on the right of others and on the constitutional rights of all individuals. However, they choose to practice and support the sanctity of marriage and family life. 

My prayers were further answered by Elder Oaks talk in the last general conference in October 2014 titled, Loving Others and Living with Differences. 

In this talk he stated:

The gospel has many teachings about keeping the commandments while living among people with different beliefs and practices. The teachings about contention are central. When the resurrected Christ found the Nephites disputing over the manner of baptism, He gave clear directions on how this ordinance should be performed. Then He taught this great principle:

“There shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.

“For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

“Behold, this is … my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:28–30; emphasis added).

The church does not support or condone the spirit of contention but rather they teach the principle of love. 

Elder Oaks goes on: 

On the subject of public discourse, we should all follow the gospel teachings to love our neighbor and avoid contention. Followers of Christ should be examples of civility. We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable. Our stands and communications on controversial topics should not be contentious. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our influence. In doing so, we ask that others not be offended by our sincere religious beliefs and the free exercise of our religion. We encourage all of us to practice the Savior’s Golden Rule: “Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12).

We are to love one another. 

As Latter-Day Saints we need to make an effort to love those around us. So many in the world today are confused about the stance of the LDS church. They believe that we may be prejudice or unfair. We need to reach out and show concern for others, no matter their circumstance. We are to follow the first and second great commandments, 1) To love our God, and 2) to love our neighbor. 

Crucibles and Healing

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints recently released a video called The Refiner's Fire. In this video the church displays a woman who has suffered immense tragedy in life. This is one of the most challenging questions that the world faces, "If there is a God, why would he allow such terrible pain and suffering?" President James E. Faust explained by stating:

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner's fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process (1979, p. 53). 

Adversity is inevitable and unavoidable in this life. Macduff said it perfectly in Act 4, Scene 3 of Macbeth when he states, "Did Heaven look on and would not take their part?" Jon Bytheway put together a compilation of scripture to answer these questions. 

1. 1 Nephi 11:7 

In this scripture we read, "And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 

We do not have the answers for all things, we don't know why some are called upon to suffer greater trials than others, however, we do know that God loveth his children. 

Brother Truman G. Madsen once asked President Hugh B. Brown of the First Presidency (1883–1975) why the Lord would put Abraham through the experience of being asked to sacrifice his own son. Obviously God knew that Abraham would be willing to do anything God commanded, and if that was so, why did the Lord put him through such a test? President Brown answered, “Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham” (Joseph Smith the Prophet [1989], 93).

Sometimes our trials aren't to prove ourselves, but they help us develop characteristics that we couldn't obtain otherwise. No one builds muscle by sitting at home, yet sometimes we are asked to strengthen and exercise our spiritual muscles and to exercise our faith in order to let it grow. 

2. Moses 7: 26-33

This is one of my all-time favorite scriptures. In this scripture Enoch sees a vision in which Satan has a great chain around the Earth. It then goes on to state, "And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?" 

Why is it that we often don't realize how hard it must be for God to watch the trials and afflictions we pass through?

"The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency; And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood." 

We are God's children. How much must it pain him to see us fight with one another, to harm one another and hate each other. We learned in Nephi that God loves his children, and we learn in Moses the love that God has for us and of his compassion and empathy. 

3. Alma 14:13 

What about those times in which we see others pass through trials, tragedy, and even death and we are left unscathed? Survivors guilt is real and we often wonder, why them? Why not us? Why must one person, or one family, or one nation suffer while we are blessed. Alma and Amulek experienced this trial as they watched those they taught the gospel burn at the stake. 

Amulek asked “How can we witness this awful scene?” Amulek asks.

Alma answers: “The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory.”

Amulek says, “Perhaps they will burn us also.”

Alma replies, “Be it according to the will of the Lord. But, behold, our work is not finished; therefore they burn us not” (Alma 14:10–13, emphasis added).

Our work is not finished, we still have a mission to fulfill. 

4. Alma 7:11-12

The Atonement is not just for sinners. In Alma 7 we read, "“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

“And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people” (Alma 7:11–12).

Jon Bytheway states: The words “sin” or “sins” do not appear anywhere in those two verses. But notice the other words—things in addition to sins that Jesus took upon him: pains, afflictions, temptations, sicknesses, and infirmities. Alma and Amulek must have relied on the Atonement of Christ to get them through the sadness, the nightmares, and the emotional trauma of the tragedy in Ammonihah. We must rely on the Atonement to help us through our personal tragedies as well.

5. D&C 101: 32-36

We learn in this scripture that ultimately we will know all things. Sometimes the hard part of trials is our inability to understand the "why?" We wonder why we must pass through this trail and what the purpose is of our experiences, and ultimately the Lord answers and states, “Yea, verily I say unto you, in that day when the Lord shall come, he shall reveal all things—

“Things which have passed, and hidden things which no man knew, things of the earth, by which it was made, and the purpose and the end thereof” (D&C 101:32–33).

The Lord loves us, that much we know. He is a perfect being and therefore, unable to cause bad things to happen, however, the Lord may allow evil to exist in the world in order that we might perform our agency and learn and grow so that we may become perfected and ready to receive our kingdom in Heaven. 

A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

Families that play together stay together, especially when their play is uplifting and wholesome. Family vacations, holidays, birthday celebrations, and other activities build strong bonds and feelings of self-worth. The phrase “Remember when we…” is sure to bring love and laughter in the years to come.

Here are a list of fun activities that my husband and I enjoy together, and a list of things that we would like to do:

Hiking
Canoeing
Fishing
Playing at the park with our dogs
Playing basketball at the park
Playing catch 
Playing Frisbee golf on our made-up course around the neighborhood
Watching our favorite TV show
Playing board games/cards
Visiting downtown SLC
Watching a movie in the back of our pick up truck
Building a fort in the living room
Going to a play
Stargazing
Museums
Attending local activities (Steel Days, Rodeo, Concerts)
Making homemade ice cream
Attending UVU sports games
Bee's Games
Read a book together
Going on a bike ride
Long boarding around the neighborhood or down Provo Canyon
Swimming or Seven Peaks, Hot tubing
Bowling
House hunting
Going to an arcade

There are plenty of activities that you can participate in together as a family. Get out of the house and do something together. Participate in activities that allow you to have fun and talk to one another. 

The Power of Temple Covenants

The temple is equipped with many wonderful and miraculous powers, one of which is the saving power it obtains in order to reunite families beyond the veil, and to save wayward children.

A statement made my Elder Orson F. Whitney contains the essence of this promise:

“The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.”

In the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 68 the Lord says, "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.”

Our responsibility as parents are to rear our children in love and righteousness. It is a divine calling which we must fulfill to the best of our ability. What about those parents, however, who feel that they have not fulfilled their calling because their child has wandered from the teachings which they have taught? 

Success in parenthood is not defined by the choices your children make, instead it is measured by the love and kindness in which you have raised and taught your children. 

I cannot imagine the love of a parent, it is deep and abiding, must like our Heavenly Fathers love for each of us. When one of our children wander, our Heavenly Father weeps with us. 

The scriptures are full of examples of righteous parents who have raised their children in love and righteousness, yet whose children have still gone astray. We read of the prodigal son, whose father welcomed him with open arms and threw a feast for his son the moment he returned. 

"President Howard W. Hunter observed that “repentance is but the homesickness of the soul, and the uninterrupted and watchful care of the parent is the fairest earthly type of the unfailing forgiveness of God.” Is not the family the nearest analogy which the Savior’s mission sought to establish?" 

For those whose children may have gone astray, or for those whose siblings struggle with disobedience, remember that they righteousness of a mother and father can work miracles in saving their children. Hold on to hope, and endure in righteousness. The Lord is the good shepherd and watches over all his sheep and he will not let them be lost. 

We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

When the Stripling Warriors went in to battle they were armed with the gospel because they had been taught by their mothers.

Our children are entering a world in which they must be armed with the armory of the gospel. The First Presidency called the parents and pleaded with them to "devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility (First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1999).

I recently had a friend post a comment on facebook in regards to a comment similar to this given by an Apostle. The Apostle had stated that it is a mother role to stay home and rear their children in righteousness. While that comment was made in a different time than today, much of what they stated still rings true. As women, there is a higher demand for us to work outside of the home, whether it be in order to support our family or establish ourselves. The Church is not demeaning women when they ask them to stay home, rather they are helping them remember their primary and foremost responsibility.

Our first responsibility should be in the home. We have been given a call to devote our BEST efforts to the teaching and rearing of our children. The home is the basis of a righteous life. In the world we live in today where evil can lurk in our homes through our television, cell-phones, i-pads, and music, we should be doing all we can to protect our children.

While we may trust daycare to care for our children, and we may appreciate the teaching done in primary and sunday school, we cannot rely upon these sources alone for our children's understanding of gospel principles.

The best lesson is taught by example. Teach your children in daily life how to apply the Atonement. Teach them the importance of the Savior and how to speak with him through prayer, scripture study, and pondering. Most importantly, love your children. Motherhood is a calling and a wonderful opportunity, not an obligation.

Parenting

Why is parenthood important and how can you make a difference in your children’s lives?

Now I am not a parent and so I am therefore not an expert on making a different in my child's life, however, I "have been born of goodly parents" who were wonderful examples to me. We also have the resources available to us through the church on how to prepare to be good parents.
Why is parenthood important?

When Adam and Eve were first introduced into the garden, one of the first commandments they were given was to "multiply and replenish the Earth." We too have been given the same commandment. Elder Holland tells of the importance of parenthood perfectly when he states,

"Imagine that, if you will. Veritable teenagers — and all of us for many decades thereafter — carrying daily, hourly, minute-to-minute, virtually every waking and sleeping moment of our lives, the power and the chemistry and the eternally transmitted seeds of life to grant someone else her second estate, someone else his next level of development in the divine plan of salvation.
I submit to you that no power, priesthood or otherwise, is given by God so universally to so many with virtually no control over its use except self-control. And I submit to you that you will never be more like God at any other time in this life than when you are expressing that particular power. Of all the titles he has chosen for himself, Father is the one he declares, and Creation is his watchword — especially human creation, creation in his image. His glory isn’t a mountain, as stunning as mountains are. It isn’t in sea or sky or snow or sunrise, as beautiful as they all are. It isn’t in art or technology, be that a concerto or computer. No, his glory — and his grief — is in his children. You and I, we are his prized possessions, and we are the earthly evidence, however inadequate, of what he truly is.
Human life — that is the greatest of God’s powers, the most mysterious and magnificent chemistry of it all — and you and I have been given it, but under the most serious and sacred of restrictions. You and I who can make neither mountain nor moonlight, not one raindrop nor a single rose — yet we have this greater gift in an absolutely unlimited way. And the only control placed on us is self-control — self-control born of respect for
the divine sacramental power it is." (Jeffery R. Holland, Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments)

That quote is long but lets break it down, we have been given a God-like ability, the ability to create human life. We have the power to create another human being, and what a powerful and rewarding capability that is. By partaking in parenthood, we are literally becoming God-like.

Just as God loves and rears each of us in our lives, we too have that same ability in our children's life. We are given the responsibility to teach them right from wrong throughout their life.

This all sounds fine and dandy, but what does this mean when you have a toddler throwing a tantrum in the grocery store while you are trying to check out?

The world teaches us to handle situations like this with coercion, to bribe or threaten our child into correct behavior in order to produce results. While these behaviors may work at times, they are not long lasting.
The Lord teaches us to rear our children in love and righteousness. Is threatening our child rearing them in "love?" We must take the opportunity to teach our kids right from wrong. When throwing a tantrum in the grocery store it may take a few minutes longer (which seems like an eternity with a line behind you), but by teaching our children true principles we instill in them a sense of right and wrong.

The home is a safe place in which children can learn right from wrong, where they may be punished yet still know that they are loved despite their wrong choices. I grew up in a home in which I was disciplined often, but the consequences to my mistakes always equaled the behavior. My parents did not threaten me, nor did they restrict me from making poor choices, however, they taught me to learn for myself and to recognize that all choices come with a consequence.

Lastly, as stated in Alma 31:5 "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." 

Nothing is more powerful to instill obedience than to teach our children the importance and benefits of a relationship with Christ. When an individual truly understands the value of a relationship with the Savior, obedience will no longer be a chore, but rather a pleasure. The threat of distancing themselves from the Savior due to poor choices will instill a devotion to choose the right.