Pathways to Eternal Marriage

We live in a world today which is plagued with divorce and heartbreak. Many of you have grown up in families affected by divorce. For many, this has created pessimism of marriage, feelings of high aspiration but low expectation. These low expectation lead to hanging out and hooking up, or living together outside of marriage. What is lacking which could lead to a happy marriage?

One: Becoming the Right Person for Marriage

Elder Bednar said it quite directly when he stated the following—

            As we visit with young adults all over the Church, often they will ask, “Well, what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse?” As though they have some checklist of, “I need to find someone who has these three, or four, or five things.” And I rather forcefully say to them, “You are so arrogant to think that you are some catch and that you want someone else who has these five things for you! If you found somebody who had these three of four of five characteristics that you’re looking for, what makes you think they’d want to marry you?” The “list” is not for evaluating someone else—the list is for you and what you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that [you] hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things [you] ought to be working to become. Then [you] will be attractive to someone who has those things. (Bednar, 2009).

Chelsie Clarke Photography

In order to attract the right qualities you want in another you had better start working to develop those qualities yourself. In order to find the right person to marry, you need to be the right person yourself. Marriage is comprised of two individuals who can each bring something wonderful to the marriage, but first, they must be themselves.

Two: Reality Check, Marriage isn’t about YOU.

            President Kimball explains this principle perfectly—

“There is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. The selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two.”

Chelsie Clarke Photography

President Kimball's first step in the formula is to the necessity for “the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. And then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.”

Second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Courtesy of Jamison Elizabeth Photography

Fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ. (Kimball, 1977)

Courtesy of Jon Adams

Ultimately it all comes down to you. How can you expect to have a healthy and happy marriage if you, yourself, are not committed and have healthy habits and attributes individually? As I stated earlier, a healthy marriage is comprised to TWO healthy and happy individuals. In order to prepare for marriage, stop making your checklist of what you want in a future spouse, but rather, become the kind of person that someone else is looking for. Develop a true testimony and relationship with your Heavenly Father; becoming loving, kind and selfless; and live the commandments as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.